We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
