dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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