if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
