Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
