fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
