I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
