I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
