508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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