never play flip cup with pint glasses
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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