Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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