She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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