they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
