the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
