I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
