you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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