Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
