Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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