i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
someone get that fucking seahorse.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
