Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
