I wish I only lived at night.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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