after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
