I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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