Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
