I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
