4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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