When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
