i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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