Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
did i just pee glitter
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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