Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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