Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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