I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you win again, gameday.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
