He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
