just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Enjoy the penises
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
