i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
