so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
