I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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