I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
