...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
