I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
