I must be too annoying 4 u.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
