I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
