she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
