Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
