Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
