I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
