Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
