Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
