Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
