Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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