Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
