dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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